Return to the Homeland

Beer Die
June 9, 2017
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August 11, 2017
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Return to the Homeland

Stop cringing. You’re not in middle school anymore. The humiliation of 8th grade isn’t about to come crashing down on you again. Rather than returning to Bill Nye the Science Guy videos every week, you get to go back to leisurely sauntering to class three days a week. I know you think summer is chill and all, but if you just listen, you’ll realize that summer is nothing more than a black hole of failed dreams and sunburns.

First off, remember when you were a lowly freshman admit? And all you could think about were the worldly pleasures that awaited you? What happened to that joy?

Cracking open cold ones with the boys on sunny afternoons is the foundation of a complete life according to Aristotle. I know you intern at Google, or whatever, but reality needs to set in sooner or later. There’s only so much you can help your office really. You’d probably be better served cramming for midterms and leisurely cruising through an e-board position.

Realistically, How much fun is a full-time job compared to being in college anyways?

The end of the summer should be the most satisfying part. You can look back on the sweaty past months and see the money you (maybe) stashed for the school year and the (probably not) fun memories you had in your desolate college wasteland (link).

Think of a fresh semester of tailgates, parties, socializing with more than two people at a time, and most excitingly, rush. Thousands of naive high school students are being sent to a lawless land with no supervision for the first time. And, much like you were, they are overly eager to prove themselves to their peers. So, rejoice in that past anticipation of arriving to college and dream only of the fun times you’ve missed so sorely.

After all, how exciting could your summer possibly be? At best, you earned some valuable experience and slightly less valuable paychecks. At worst, you squandered 3 months of the prime of your life and ended up with irreparable sunburns.

Regardless of how your summer turned out, you have weeks until you are reunited with the best adolescence has to offer. Stop whining and sharpen your pencils! 

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